Just Jana

Every day, our integrity is on the line.

While driving to a client's house in Happy Valley this morning I was listening to 97.1; the Dr. Doug and Skippy (?) show...or something like that. Mind you, I don't listen to radio that often as I prefer my Ipod. Anyways, the topic of discussion was about a guy who was married for 16 years, but had been having an affair (many or one--was not clarified) for the past 9, and had now recently had an epiphany, and wanted to be only with his loving wife and kids. The announcer then asked if he should tell his wife or take it to the grave. Many callers called in and wanted more specifics about the situation...ie. whether his mistress(es) dumped him or he her, etc, the ages of the kids etc. Children of these situations even called in. It was very interesting. I even found myself thinking, he shouldn't tell. Why? Because if he did, I'm betting a 99% of a divorce. But, would that be fair? Fair to his wife and children? If he was truely repentent, he would have to tell her, right? And what ever happens, happens. But, then i felt bad for the wife. She's the one who would be devestated (and of course the children) by the truth of the situation. Then I thought, well is it the same if if had only happen one or two times, as opposed to 9 years? Mind you, that many of the callers (including children of these situations and close relatives) said not to tell. Because it had destroyed their families. They said that if he was truly sorry, and would not do it again and be faithful, to not say anything and that was his burden to bare.

So, after the show ended...and of course they posted a poll on their website, it made me think about where I stood as a person. Not because of the infidelity aspects, but the whole honesty issue. And originally I thought that he should not tell because he was trying to save the marriage. But, then I realized, it didn't matter. He already committed the error. If he truely wanted to make ammends, he would have to tell. And sadly, she would probably leave him. I think that that is the right thing to do...or is it?

Or should we just not get ourselves into these prediciaments in the first place. And when we see ourselves falling, that we go to our loved ones and tell them and get help. I think it's selfish for us to believe that what we do on a daily basis or behind closed doors, does not affect anyone else. Unfortunately, I'm just as guilty.