My husband and I were talking today. We having been living separately for the last 2 months. But our relationship has been getting closer, and more interpersonal understanding has been exchanged, than in the past 2 years. We didn't separate over scandalous, financial, abusive issues. But issues over core values that have changed in each of us because we have grown apart. We love each other and want to stay together but can't understand how we've come to this reality in our marriage. Unfortuantely, these core issues (such as parenting, wanting kids, religion, ethical boundaries) are issues that are not so easily up for debate sense we each feel so strongly about them. IN the beginning they were the same/more similar, and now not so much. How do you bring them back to the middle? Without sacrificing your individuality or the realationship?
About Me
- Jana
- I have been married for 5 and 1/2 years. Step-mom of two; a 16-year old son who lives with us, and 13-year old daughter who lives with her mom 25 minutes away. I am an animal lover and have 3 dogs and 1 cat whom I share with my husband. My interest and passions are listed below, but I wanted to note that I can't wait to learn to white water kayak! I love being overwhelmed by breath taking views, meeting new people, spending time with loved ones and also spending time alone to reflect. I will generally try most anything... I believe that we have one chance to learn and grow and feel and live as much as we can. For when its our time to pass on, we just take our memories. Life's to amazing to not make mistakes (and I've made plenty), to not try, to not experience. To not share.
3 comments:
That's tough! First, you have to love the person for who they are. You can't expect that you'll change them, and if the changes that have taken place are too much for you to accept, then you have to act upon that. BUT, if you can accept the changes in that person, and if you believe that the person is still relatively the same you fell in love with, then you're golden! A question I had to ask myself in my previous marriage was...is the situation worth losing X amount of years/work that I've devoted to my relationship?
Hey so I know that this has been a very important issue weighing on your relationship. Does one person give in or both or neither? If neither give in, well then I think it is obvious where things will end up. If just one of you gives in, or changes values, things won't be the same because it will not have been for the right reasons. Plus then the relationship will be uneven. I think there are two possible paths that could lead to mending. The first is that you seek a compromise that embodies both opinions. You know give a litte here and take a little there so that neither of your values are thrown aside. The other is to evaluate where you guys were when those values were the same, and figure out why they changed. Maybe if you address the reasons they changed rather than the changes themselves, you may find an easier resolution.
If things are getting better now, aside from the aforementioned issues, then maybe continuing the current pattern until behaviors become more permanent is the best road. Most things aren't fixed overnight as much as we would like them to be (I am always finding this a hard fact to grasp myself).
I don't know...just my thoughts.
heidi,
yeah so. the second one is kind of my thoughts on it too. why did things change... that's sort of where we are at now.
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